How to Celebrate TDOR Like a Rockstar
People are gathering around the world today and through this week to celebrate National Transgender Day of Remembrance.
It's important to commemorate those who have been killed or have committed suicide for being transgender. That's why we have this nationwide event, to bring visibility to this truth so more people know these acts of violence occur.
I didn't know people were hurt and killed for being trans* until I saw Boys Don't Cry, a film depicting the last few days of Brandon Teena's life. I saw that movie in a theater by myself when I was 21. For some reason I can't remember, my mother drove me and picked me up from the theater. I didn't tell her much about the movie. I didn't identify as transgender back then, and I hadn't even questioned my sexual orientation yet but I remember the film striking a chord somewhere low and deep in my body. It was undeniable but went unexplored for another 14 years.
14 years.
Did I repress my transgender identity for another 14 years because I saw what happens to people who try to live their truth? Brandon Teena, like so many others, was raped and then murdered when people discovered he had been born a girl. There is the heart-breaking scene where the police officers are interrogating Brandon, clearly blaming him for what has happened to him. There's also a documentary that replays the actual police interview with him. It isn't easy to listen to.
Being transgender isn't easy. That's what the past year has shown me. When I came out of the gate after surgery, I was on a high---total euphoria. Now, the euphoria has worn off and I'm in the real deal, the day in and day out of changing my entire existence from what I'd known for 34 years. It isn't easy.
But being trans* is my journey. A quick scroll through my facebook feed tells me it's one of many, many issues people have to deal with in life. I see people suffering for any number of reasons and I can't place my suffering above or below theirs. It doesn't make sense and it doesn't ease my pain.
Maya Angelou said, "surviving is important. Thriving is elegant."
My life experience before transition has given me tools to thrive. And dammit, that's what I'm choosing to do.
So, I'm choosing to celebrate TDOR like a rockstar and here's how I'm doing it:
1) I will have an incredibly perfect breakfast: I'm getting a cherry danish from my favorite bakery, a cup of freshly brewed coffee and will make some scrambled eggs and fresh sauteed kale. As a health coach, I know that good food helps me have a good mood. ;)
2) I'm not doing ANY work today. I'm going to spend the entire day doing anything but work.
3) I will read ROOTS by Alex Haley because I was inspired to re-read it after seeing the movie, 12 Years a Slave, last weekend. Connecting to a long history of human struggle helps me keep my own story in perspective.
4) I will attend the TDOR event this evening and stand with my friends, celebrating the one identity that connects us as well as the countless other qualities that make us perfect, whole and complete individuals. If anyone wants to join, come to 138 Tremont Street Boston, MA 02111 at 4pm.
5) I will sit with the feelings of sadness and grief for my family, who hasn't supported me during my transition. I will breathe deeply and let the tears roll down in joy when I remember the many, many, many friends who HAVE supported me, unconditionally, every step of way.
6) I will meditate. My Buddhist teachings help me find my center, sit with my suffering and release it effortlessly.
7) I will journal about everything I've learned from my transition process. I will phone a friend if it feels right.
I will celebrate this day in a way that honors those who have passed as well as the many shining stars who thrive each and every day.
I am one of those stars.
I am a rockstar.
What are you doing to celebrate TDOR?
Perhaps you can share this blog post on your wall, especially if you aren't transgender, because it may help inform and inspire someone who needs it.