You just need the right ones.

I have this written on an index card beside my computer. 

YOU JUST NEED THE RIGHT ONES.

It's there to remind me of something important that helps me overcome despair, discouragement, frustration, resignation or disappointment. Because those feelings come up, for all of us, and we confuse them with things called “depression” or “anxiety”. They’re really just passing feelings which we can manage with a shift in our mindset.

That index card reminds me to shift my mindset when I forget that I'm not here to save the world or help everyone. Or when I feel lonely or bereft and like I’m the only person in the world who sees things the way I do or feels like I do. I feel that way a lot, even when I meet really great people—there’s still this feeling of being alone on an island or like an orbiting planet.

Other times I feel this way, and I think you might too, are when I see pictures on social media of all these people with all their activities and friends and I’m like, “hmm. Wow. I used to have that before I started moving around so much and before I started spending so much time alone.”

And sometimes I wish for that old life I had and that person I used to be who had that life but then I remember…things didn’t feel perfect or better back then, either. I still didn’t feel happy or content. In fact, I felt LESS happy or content despite having this life that other people seem to value.

It’s often weird to adjust to loving my solitude, especially because I was once such a social person. Maybe you can relate, if you’ve also chosen that lifestyle shift away from so much “activity” and more downtime and introspection.

I also feel this way when I don’t have a ton of followers actively engaging on social media. The cool kids of internet marketing tell me I should have that to be valuable. And despite coming around to thinking it’s all such a huge joke, I still fall for it more often than I’d like to admit. Because I have a loyal, lovely following of great people. The RIGHT ONES.

Those are my people. Paul Jarvis calls this finding our rat people

Are you my rat person? Are you drawn to personal development and impeccable health (mind and body)? Are you committed to learning how to be kind, especially when you don’t feel like it? Do you prefer to be responsible for yourself and your life instead of being a victim? Do you try to see the good in people despite having been hurt profoundly?

That’s what my whole message is, really. My #Dillanspiration is about rising above the muck and mire of human existence and being almost superhuman. It’s about being positive when you really don’t want to be and choosing kindness when you could be an asshole and taking care of yourself when you want to neglect yourself and every responsibility you have.

I forget that most people aren't like this. MOST PEOPLE DON'T MATURE PAST ADOLESCENCE. I didn’t save the article where I read this to quote who said it, and some person in academia actually demeaned me for that. Ohhhh, academia. I just laugh. I’m starting to understand the symbolism of the laughing buddha, actually!

But what I see about most adults is they remain teenagers in adult-sized bodies and they get jobs (or don't) and get married (or don't) and have children (or don't) and impact all the lives of the people they know with their presence and behavior. each day. And they focus more on what happens to THEM instead of what impact they are having. Or they might see it and care but aren't really willing to do anything to change it. They want someone to come in and clean up the mess or make it better or hand them the thing they want. They don't want to put on their big person pants (or dress) and make their lives work.

You know people like this. You work with people like this. You socialize with people like this. You date and marry and divorce people like this. If YOU ARE LIKE THIS, hopefully you are starting to reconsider how much longer you want to be. You're seeing that there's a common denominator in your life and all the experiences you've had and it's y-o-u.

I remind myself that I don't need to reach those people. They aren't open to my message. They aren't ready for my work. I also don’t need those people in my life. And you don’t either, really. I just need the right ones, the people who are open and receptive and able to take on the process of self-actualization and maturity. 

And instead of being unkind about it, we can just smile and be kind and keep our distance. We don’t owe anyone anything but kindness. And even that’s an option. But we get to choose it if it serves us.

The social media monster tricks us into believing we need more followers, likes, mentions and whatever the heck else. It makes us think we need to have this life of people gathered around to make us happy. My next post will be about this, actually.

The matrix or social illusion makes us think we will find the validation we seek in all that mess. But the truth is, what we're seeking will come from two sources: YOURSELF and the RIGHT ONES. 

The right ones:

hold you accountable

stand for your greatness

acknowledge you

inspire you

value you

support you

 

To make anything work--your work, your business, your relationships and your LIFE--you need the right ones. Spend less time chasing the ones who aren't ready to show up and work with you. Invest your energy in the people standing right there, ready, waiting and smiling from ear to ear. Or the ones that try, despite their fear.