self-care

Show up fully, even if it's scary

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Last week I did something I'd been thinking about for a long, long time. I woke up and felt completely discouraged and a little bit hopeless and I posted what was really happening for me in a really long Facebook status. I put it all out there. I shared some really deep details about myself.

I was completely terrified to do this. I was afraid it would leave people with the impression that I was a failure of a human being and most definitely a failure as a health coach. I overcame the fear and was practically brought to tears as the likes and comments multiplied minute after minute. To date, it has 124 likes and over 60 comments! I overcame the fear and chose to open it up and put it out there, and people resonated very deeply with it.

I'd been carrying this fear around with me for a really long time, though. And it was bugging me to see person after person engage with my Facebook wall or blog posts and the whole time I was left feeling like they were really interacting with a cardboard cutout of me, instead of the REAL me. I know a lot of business folks, or just everyday people, who do this and are perfectly content with it.

I wasn't.

See, there's this trend that everyone's aware of but still participates in. A lot of people are going around posting the highlights of their lives and not really talking about whatever else is happening. I know this for a fact, because I know what people are going through and how it compares to what they show.

Welcome to the social media monster, right?

Wrong.

It doesn't have to be that way. In fact, the more I see people do this, the less I feel inclined to engage with them. And I was concerned people were getting that vibe from me, too. After listening to Pema Chödrön talk about "fake spiritual people" one day, I realized it was sort of my worst nightmare to be coming off as fake to anyone. I was talking about my life and the good and not-so-hot parts of it to other people but I wasn't really showing it publicly. I get the point of professionalism, really I do. But what's the point of that when I'm touting authenticity and fearlessness from one side of my face and pretending everything is fine and dandy from the other side.

I don't think I ever gave that impression but was focused on posting positive stuff to inspire and encourage people. Based on the response I received from that post the other day, people don't just want or need positive stuff. They certainly don't need more negative, cynical stuff but they want real. They want strife. They want to know how I struggle and overcome the same stuff they deal with every day.

I realized I wasn't sharing that with my folks and it wasn't serving me, personally or professionally.

I can't relate to someone who only shares smiles and sunshine. It tells me that person can't be present to the grief and darkness that is part of being human. And that isn't who I am or want to be for others.

I've gone through some very difficult times the past few months which included leaving a long-term relationship, moving all my worldly belongings twice in three months and opening a new office for my business. Not easy stuff, I tell ya.

It wasn't easy, but I did it all because I have learned how to take really good care of myself. In fact, those choices and changes are a RESULT of how well I take care of myself. It's all part of the same package. When I share that with people, it is the full picture of what's behind my healthy breakfasts, my personal-record-breaking jogs, my donut dates with good friends, the pink armchair in my new office and my selfies.

There was a time not long ago, several times in fact, where I couldn't stand my own reflection. To take a selfie and post it is a testament to how far I've come to appreciate my own likeness in the past few years.

This is what people need to see.

This is what people need to read about.

They don't need more resentment. They don't need more complaints. They don't need more advice telling them what to do or think or feel or say to be "right" or "wrong".

They don't need more pictures that highlight the good and make the pain or challenge invisible.

I don't believe it when I see it so I know people weren't believing it about me, either. People aren't stupid, they saw the void where a partnership used to be in my life. They saw a new table when I took pictures of my food.

By opening up and letting it all out, I invited them into what real transformation looks like, what real change requires and what real life is like when you're giving it all you've got to do the best you can.

I was afraid to be so real because I thought people would think I had nothing to offer them as a health coach. If my life isn't perfect, what would they have to learn from me?

I realized that wasn't true. The most valuable thing I can provide people is an example. I can show up fully and be a real example of the resilience, tenacity and self-love one needs to be your authentic self, to leave relationships that aren't supportive, respectful and loving, to pursue work that is meaningful and fulfilling and eat healthy food and exercise even when it feels like your life is falling apart.

I can show up fully, even when it's scary, to inspire other people to do the same.

 

What can YOU provide people? What would you share if you stepped into being fully authentic?

 

Make Time For You: a virtual group coaching program

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If you just can't even right now, don't worry. 

You don't have to do it alone. Let's make time together.

 

Do you need a small group of like-minded people right now? Could you use some connection with people on this planet who are dedicated to wellness and positivity?

Rad. Join me.

I'll provide you with tips and tools to improve your nutrition and overall wellness and you'll share the best of what you know and learn the best from others in a safe and supportive virtual group setting.

Making time for yourself right now will help you bring even more focus and efficiency to all you have going on. You'll find and maintain balance in mind, body and spirit and check-in with other really busy people who “get it”.

It's tough to balance everything and stay healthy when you're doing it alone.

Don't. Let's do it together.

 

 

 

 

HERE'S HOW IT WILL WORK:

The Hangouts

This isn't just emails delivered to your inbox. There will be live Hangouts. I will host and facilitate the Google Hangout for each session. You just need to show up, with coffee or tea in hand and a notebook. We'll check in as a small group to review your progress and challenges and just generally have the kind of friendly and practical group conversation you need to keep yourself accountable to your own goals. Like a coffee date with a bunch of like-minded healthy pals. This isn't just small talk though: this is bringing your whole life in more focus.

You'll remember what you value and appreciate about yourself.

You'll dust off and practice the hobbies and interests you love but have let slide by the wayside.

You'll recommit to basic healthy habits that keep you centered and calm amidst chaos.

In addition to that awesomeness, you will also be given something new from me during each session to ponder or chew on--a new tool to add to your "toolbox for life".

Your group will meet via Google Hangout at 7:30PM EST about every two weeks on these dates:

September 29th October 6th October 20th November 3rd November 17th December 1st December 15th January 5th

this will be us!
this will be us!

You can join as many or as few as you want, but will definitely see more progress with each call you attend. Consistency is the key to success!

Can't make one? No problem! Each Hangout will be recorded (YES!) so you can catch up and watch them later.

The Facebook Group

Keep the connection GOING between our online Hangouts! To keep the energy from our Hangouts flowing, you will have open access to a Facebook group that is open 24/7! Post questions, comments, pictures, ideas---you name it! I'll moderate with tips and support but this group is all yours.

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join-our-facebook-group

I'll provide the framework, course content and the container for our meetings and Facebook group--you just bring yourself!

AS A MEMBER, YOU WILL:

-learn natural ways to boost your energy. The coffee can stay, I promise. -experience an improved and boosted immune system, especially during cold season. -practice the art of self-care with people who get the daily challenges you're up against -find more peace and stillness in your day-to-day

The cost of this program is $389 and space is limited to 8 people.

Sign up by SEPTEMBER 15th for a reduced, early-bird rate of $300--about $75 per month.

For less than a monthly cell phone bill, you will actually get the tools and support to balance your life better and be part of an amazing group of like-minded people who want you to succeed at life.

Sound good?

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Register_Now_button_blue

Is There Any Food In Your Food? How To Be a Nutritarian

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This topic has been getting more airtime lately: how calories aren't created equal. So make them count! I dug up an old-ass blog post when I wrote about this SAME topic, oh about 5 years ago. And here I am, 6 years later, still working on this with my own nutrition. It's a lifelong thing. I remember hearing for the first time that we should shoot for nutrient-dense foods as often as possible, and that all calories weren't created equal. I immediately though about my eating disorder back in high school. Thinking I was being such a conscious calorie-counter, I made sure to ingest ~600 calories a day.

And I never once considered that the calories I DID consume all came from one source: carbohydrates.

Do you know what carbs do if you don't use them up via exercise? They turn to stored fat.

YUP.

So I was effectively defeating the whole purpose of counting calories to lose weight or be thinner--if that was really my true motivation. I have thoughts to share about my eating disorder which I'll cover in my book. Thankfully, I eventually healed on my own but not before that experience forever changed my relationship to food. That relationship continued to be problematic for another 10 years before I became a certified health coach. Now, I still have some old habits that need work from time to time, but I'm not acting them out in complete ignorance like I was before.

I think some people struggle with food not because they don't have a passionate desire to be more healthy or change their relationship to food but more because they don't know what else to do. There are SO many conflicting messages in our culture, it's hard to make sense of it all. That's a small piece of what I do with my clients and in my workshops and business meetings: we talk about food in a clear and honest way.

What are the habits? What are the questions? What are the fears?

What are some simple tweaks one could make that would add up over time to real, sustainable change in lifestyle?

One good place to start is assessing how much food is actually in your food. How much nutrition are you consuming compared to mere calories? Are you eating something, thinking you're doing well by yourself only to realize, dang! You just ate 300 calories worth of refined sugar and simple carbs in that "nutrition snack bar".

How about your smoothie? What's in it and how much of the calories are packed with nutrients? Check out my blog post on the anatomy of the smoothie to read more about that.

How To Be a Nutritarian

I have a client who loves carrots and hummus. Carrots and hummus is a nutritious snack, for sure. It doesn't make a meal, though, because it really isn't very comprehensive as far as nutrients go. You may have heard about Dr. Joel Fuhrman. I feel sorta cool because his wife was a regular customer at a store I worked for in New Jersey 10 years ago. I got to talk to her about once a week. Dr. Fuhrman has coined this term "nutritarian". While I don't agree with everything Dr. Fuhrman says, I DO love this term. It really seems to be the "diet identity" that would work well for many if not most people.

Nutritarians focus on the nutrient-density of their daily food intake. They ingest food not just because it's what they want to eat or because it tastes good (although it often does) or because it was convenient (even though it can be) but based on this one very simple distinction: how many vitamins, minerals, macro and micronutrients does it contain?

Got that?

You're eating to consume nutrients, not just to consume (or avoid) calories.

I consider myself a nutritarian, albeit an imperfect one. When I plan my day of eating, I scan through ideas in my head and make sure I have a plan to consume as many nutrients as possible--not just what I feel like eating. My goal is to eat because of what food contains, not just because it sounds like a good idea or because someone told me I should eat it according to the latest diet craze (ever notice the shelf-life on those fads, by the way? In one day, out the next.)

It's all about being intentional and mindful. It's where my Buddhism shows up in my everyday life, so it informs everything I do--not just those 10 minutes on a meditation cushion.

These are some ideas for what you can do on the run, but obviously you see why cooking at home makes this much easier--you can buy real food as much as you want and you don't have to try to pick from limited options available at restaurants, etc. It makes the case for cooking at home more often. 

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