fear

Accountability helps us actualize our ideal lives.

Sleeping in a hotel this summer wasn't my rock bottom. I think most people would think it would be but it wasn't.

I stayed in a hotel for a week this past summer as I bridged the time between crashing on couches and moving into my short-term rental at the Jersey Shore. It was something I chose intentionally. After a summer spent moving around looking for where I would land and call Home, the hotel was my last stop before landing back Home in New Jersey where I'm from and where I left in 2006.

My actual rock bottom hit months later, the week after Christmas, in a fancy carriage house. It was supposed to be Home but it ended up being another stop on my path and would serve to teach me invaluable lessons about myself and my resiliency and tenacity.

I possess seemingly unshakeable resiliency. It enables me to overcome things that would stop most people in their tracks. I often think to myself how many assumptions people make about me and my life based on what they see in social media because I selectively choose what to share and when and why, not because I'm trying to hide anything but because I try to be intentional about what will actually help and inspire people. If I'm going through challenges in my own life, I've become more mindful of what to share to bring more positivity or clarity or inspiration to peoples' lives. I try not to add more doom and gloom because there's plenty out there. If I'm going through something hard and I feel discouraged or afraid, I'd rather share less of the details and more of what I did AFTER THE FACT to help people through the same thing. Just complaining into the ether doesn't really add anything to anyone's life.

And I know when my book is published, it will have plenty of room for all the stories and details that I don't share on social media because it's all designed for very short attention spans. The wisdom I have to share deserves peoples' time and attention and they make more of that when they decide to buy a book.

It's the same way with accountability. People make time for what really matters to them OR what their habits have carved into their cerebral cortexes. Habits aren't always intentional or conscious choices and the way we start to become more aware of this is by taking action to unpack what we do and think and feel and say and WHY we do it all. That's when accountability serves us to help make different decisions to get different results.

If we want to lose weight, accountability helps us stick to the choices that will help us do that.

If we want to move to a new city, accountability helps us line up phone calls and make lists of action steps to get us closer to that goal.

If we want to start a business or find a new job, accountability helps us polish our resume to send out or call former or new clients for new business.

Accountability is the thing that takes us from where we ARE to where we WANT to be.

When I sat in the fancy carriage house this past December, I realized it wasn't the right place for me. I had made decisions that got me to that place and even though I was exhausted from a long string of months spent wandering around with no home, I knew I couldn't stay in a place that didn't feel right. I knew I had to keep going and summon more courage and strength to get to where HOME felt right and good in the ways I needed. I didn't know how I'd do it but I knew staying just wasn't an option.

Accountability that I've learned from so many years being a coach helped me push through the fear and doubt and shame and fatigue and get to the end goal I wanted. And it's better than I ever could have planned and I think to myself what my life would be like right now if I had given up or hadn't applied the level of accountability I did when it felt like I had absolutely nothing left.

I wouldn't feel this blissed out and grateful. I would have settled and would be sitting in something sub-optimal.

We aren't meant to live sub-optimal lives. We are meant to live IDEAL lives and with a little elbow grease and some help in our corner, we can make that reality. I'm here to prove it, against incredible odds.

And if I can do it, I know you can, too.

How to stop overthinking.

I met a new friend over Christmas. He said, "your ability for self-reflection and processing information and seeing it from so many angles is astounding! I don't know how you don't drive yourself crazy, though."

I smiled at him and said, "I do drive myself crazy."

 
Doing Cycle Dillan DiGiovanni overthinking
 



And that's my advice for you, if you're an over-analyzer like me. Notice that you're doing this to yourself. And try to catch it. And try to do it less and take action more often. That's how you stop overthinking everything in your life.

Notice it.
Think less.
Act more.

Sounds so simple, right? Basic, even?

But why is it so hard?

Well, let me use my analytical brain to explore this. LOL!

Just kidding. We overthink from a place of fear. We try to figure out all the scenarios of our lives like a chess game and end up causing ourselves tremendous stress and anxiety. We avoid taking any from fear of what might happen. It makes sense! We want to stay alive, by golly. But often that inaction may actually deprive us of the very lives we want and need to live.

[Share that and quote me on it, will ya?]

I often overthink too much and then try to overcome that by acting more impulsively, which sometimes gets me into situations where I need to overthink solutions again.

Guess what? This is called LIFE, my friends. I wish I could tell you there was a simple formula that would make it so easy to follow along and then arrive at a system that worked perfectly every time. I haven't found it and I've tried a lot of different things. If you've been following along, you know this about me. 

But what you don't know if how often I question myself. How often I get into situations that feel scary and hard and how little I trust myself. But that's where I lose my power and it's where you lose yours, too. 

We overthink to try to overcome the fear and feel more safe and secure. We overthink to try to make sure the bottom won't drop out of our lives. We overthink and often stop there. We never move forward.

It's good to think things through. Like I said, I sometimes don't think things through enough and end up with another problem to solve. But what I get from all that trial and error is more iron inside me, like Emily Dickinson said. Emily was amazing, I'm watching a new movie about her life called A Quiet Passion and I was overthinking something so was hardly paying attention so I need to go back and watch it again. Too much wisdom there to risk missing out!

Life is just one choice after another. Some will go well. Some will NOT. But trying is better than overthinking.

Notice something you're overthinking in your life. 
Try to get to the source of why you're thinking so much.
Imagine what it would be like to take action in some direction.

Think less and act more.
 

Ask for adversity.

Ask for adversity.

The human experience, not just the body, was designed to grow stronger through exertion. We aren't static fixed things, we are ever evolving. So we grow or expand or shrink in proportion to how hard we're working. And life provides all the exercise we could ever want, if we have the right attitude about it. And that right attitude is to actually ask for adversity.