Dillan DiGiovanni

Sorry needs to stop.

Dillan DiGiovanniComment

Not the new song by Justin Bieber, that sorry can stay.

I'm talking about your incessant use of the word sorry in personal and professional exchanges. It needs to end. It's eroding your integrity. It's in the way of your success.

I want you to take a second to scroll back through texts and emails and see how often you've said 'sorry' in the past week. Now the past month. 

 

Good ol' Bart.

Good ol' Bart.

 

What is up with your use of this word? Why are you apologizing for being imperfect? Why are you constantly late? Why are you missing deadlines? What are you promising and not delivering on and, most importantly, WHY?

Your use of sorry needs to stop. I want you to have more power in your life. I don't want you to feel constantly behind the 8-ball.  I want for you to feel focused, clear, organized and confident. And reliable. And accountable. And professional. 

How does all that sorry make you feel? How does it affect your day-to-day interactions with friends, family and colleagues? I'm guessing it feels like crap. It did for me when I said it all the time.

We use sorry when we are out of integrity. And by that, I mean we compromise our own happiness and boundaries. Or we promise something and don't follow through to make it happen. And then, we don't show up to be accountable for that. This pattern becomes a hamster wheel of diminished self-esteem and credibility and it sucks. It just doesn't work AT ALL.

So, stop saying sorry. Stop overworking to the point of dropping balls left and right. Stop apologizing for fear of what people will think because you aren't perfect. Stop overcommitting to people and things that bring you so far out of balance that you don't even know the meaning of that word anymore. STOP APOLOGIZING and START TRANSFORMING.

If, and I mean IF, I use the word sorry it happens on a very limited basis these days. Know why? Because I overcame the old voice in my head that said I wasn't worthy or didn't have value if I didn't try to do a million things for a million people.

Or if I didn't try to make everyone happy.

Or try to be everywhere doing everything because I was afraid to sit in my own company.

Or to win my mother's validation and approval.

Or the boss's praise (same theme as the mom thing).

Or to look like I had it all together in front of my colleagues. 

That list, it could go on. Add your own items to it, if you know them.

Stop saying you're sorry and start living from integrity, starting with yourself. Here are three simple ways to begin:

1) carve out YOU time every day. Not once a week. No. EVERY DAY. Start with 5 minutes and work your way up to an hour or more. By prioritizing yourself, you will learn what does and does not make you happy or your life better and you will be able to sort other things more effectively. 

2) think and wait before you commit. If anyone asks you to do anything, use this phrase, "thanks for the offer. Let me check my calendar and I'll get back to you." While it's tempting to agree on the fly, it works better in the long run for you to check your commitments and decide if you want and need to squeeze another meeting or hang out or anything into your jam-packed week. 

3) don't promise if you can't deliver. Unless you KNOW beyond the shadow of a doubt that nothing, and I mean nothing, will prevent you from being somewhere or doing something, don't promise it. A half-assed promise is a promise and it's waiting to be broken and then you have to say the S-word again. Don't do it. Only agree or commit to people and things that light you up and you know you can and WANT to do. Easy. If you do agree to something, make sure you do it unless there is an absolute emergency. 

 

Those are just a few ideas, and I have more, so come back and read often. And share this with someone who keeps saying sorry and needs to stop.